Don’t call it #SoftCorePorn the Contract Say Erotica Pt.2


fear (2)

This one really gets me.  It always seems to appear in the feed of one of my social media outlets when I’m in a moment of contemplation.  Is it fate or synchronicity? Or is it Google hijacking buzz words from my email enabling them to market to me…

Nonetheless I wonder. Is it our fear that keeps us from the path we are meant to follow or is it an instinct meant keep from falling from the path we are on?

Walking up to the Executive Producer’s house with the Producer, I had a sudden surge of energy. I didn’t know what to expect but I was excited.

At the door, the Producer rang the bell,  then turned to me and said,” Ready?”

” Yeah, of course, ” I replied brightly.

” Oh BTW the Executive Producer is also the Director/Executive Producer for AVN.”

“WHAT?!” I said as my jaw dropped to the ground as my eyes grew wide.                    (Here we go again.)

” Yeah, I just thought you should know.”

Before I could say anything the door crept opened followed by a palm motioning us with a slight of hand sort way.

Then a deep New Jersey accent said,” C’mon on in. I’ve been expecting you….”

In that split second that surge of energy went into insecure overdrive.  WTF is going on? What am I doing here. What the hell is up with me and porn.  Is this a past life thing? Maybe last night’s fear based insanity wasn’t so insane after all….Great…now what am I gonna do? Half the reason I’m here is cause I need to mother-freaking WORK!!!…

Ok, and breath, I thought to myself.  This is not a big deal.  It’s just a meeting. Sure there may be crack/ cocaine on the coffee table and whores hanging in the hallway.  BUT, hello, how long have you lived in LA? Not like you haven’t seen all that in the Hills a time or two. AND you worked at a Club in Hollywood.  It’s not like you haven’t met your fair share of pimps, dealers and porn producers.  All you have to do is be nice, listen to this guy and then turn down the job.

The door opened revealing the Executive Producer, a Jersey style Greek/Italian looking man with an every day guy appeal.

” Hey, how’s it going?” he said greeting us with a smile and inviting us in.

I took a breath, threw on my game face, plan in motion, smiled and said, “Hi,” as I entered.

The Exec’s  house was much like his valley SoCal  neighborhood, normal. One story, two bedroom with an office and a  pool home.  He was divorced so the place was neat but not filled with frills.  We took a seat in the living room as he offered us some filtered water. To my reality there was no crack on the table or whores in hallway.  But there was a huge flat screen tv.  The prime piece of every proper bachelor pad’s presentation.

Seated, the Exec got right down to business. He explained how he and his previous partner had produced the first season of a late night tv show. It was successful.  Therefore he pitched a second season and a first season of new show. Getting the green light on both, he now had approximately four months to pre-production and shoot, two thirteen episode series. FYI that is like lighting speed for a single tv series let alone two. But, his plan was to have them edited, packaged and to network by late fall/winter just in time for AVN pre- production.

Then there was the budget.

“So here’s the deal,” He frankly said about the minimal budget. ” The money is the money.  This is what they (The network) gave me. So I have to make it work.”

Was it possible with a good team? Coming from Indie film I knew it was.  It was just gonna  be rough.

” What about the nudity?” I asked. In mainstream projects nudity does not come cheap. Since these projects were filled with it, simply put…there goes the budget.

” Well, I’d like to find regular actresses but if it comes down to it we will just have to use pornstars,” he said nonchalantly.

…of course….

AND what’s this “WE” stuff... Yeah about that time I officially tuned out while the Exec and  the Producer talked production logistics.


The Executive Producer pulled me back with all of his ideas for the shows. Honestly, I didn’t want to get into to them.  To me, now that I knew the writing on the wall,  this was just a courtesy meeting.  But, I couldn’t help it.  The Exec was a such a nice straight forward guy. He was really excited about these shows.  He explained that he had always wanted to produce a “real show”.  He was aware that these were late night but they were a step in the right direction.

” And,” He stated, ” You never know what’s going to be a hit.”

I couldn’t argue with him there.

Then he continued with how he wanted to make these shows like regular shows just with more graphic sex scenes.

That’s what got me. Cause, I always thought that’s what late night television was lacking. Why was it so hard to make a good show with nudity.  To me it should be a no-brainer.

” So, you don’t want to make these shows all cheesy and stupid? You want to have a real scripts with a real plots not just line line sex?” I asked.

” Yes,” he said with definance, ”  I don’t mean like going over bored with the story, but yeah.”

I could see this whole late night Soap Opera forming in my mind.  I wasn’t even going to take the job but once my type A personality started going it was on idea Auto-pilot.

“So you wanna do something like Melrose Place  meets Models Inc. but edgier with more nudity,” I said.

” Yes! That sounds good” He said

“So something interesting enough for girls to get into, guys follow then they can watch together and enjoy the sex scenes,” I continued thinking aloud.

“Exactly!” he exclaimed, “By the way, you know the sex is fake? This is erotica not porn.”

” Yes, ” I said wryly passing over that point.

For the next fifteen minutes or so it was like the Producer didn’t even exist.  The Exec and I were just brainstorming. It was cool.  He and I had a good chemistry. I totally forgot all of my preconceived ill-fated thoughts and just had fun developing this show, idea after idea.  Then with grand excitement he turned to me and said,

“You really seem to get what I’m going for. So, you want the job?”

” The Job?”

The question came at me like a scratch on a record.

” Yeah, do want to write the series?”

There was a moment of silence. Yes,  I was completely prepared to say, ” Nice to me you. Good luck with your project. But, I just booked ( Enter some made up job name  here) and unfortunately won’t be available for the time frame.” But, for some reason I couldn’t seem to make those words come out of my mouth.

Suddenly it was as if my alterna persona ignited an internal counter culture conversation.

Seriously, lets keep real. You beg the universe for opportunities that are cool, edgy and amazing. You dream of, literally it is part of your manifestation,  a Director/ Executive Producer to say on the spot, ” So you want the job?” The first time it happened you book your first tv role. The second time it happened you booked a lead movie role. NOW it’s happening again and you are being offered to write your first Television series. AND FYI YOU NEED A JOB!

Ok, fine. I had to admit this flip side perspective had a point. However, this isn’t exactly the genre I had imagined I’d be working in.

Note To Self: I need to be more clear and or clarify my definition of cool, edgy & amazing AND which directors/Executive Producers I want to work with  & why.

Then my Alterna Persona made one more plea in my mind:

On some level, although crazy. This is a chance to create. AND Aren’t you a little curious? Don’t you think this job could be  rad in some sort of badass  once in a lifetime kinda way. Imagine the ride. AND tell the truth, isn’t life just a little more fun when you take a walk on the wild side.  

Yes it was!

And just then, like that, my perspective flipped as if it were a switch.




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Get ready for a wild ride, the good, the bad, the naked and the naughty…